POWER

I’ve been thinking a lot about power lately because it’s front and center in the local news right now. But power itself is not the problem. Abusive, fear-based power is. It dehumanizes people and systems. But power can also be used collectively, responsibly, and in defense of humane values.

For me, this is personal. As a survivor of bullying and sexual abuse, my pattern is to freeze or fawn (not fight or flee) when confronted with abusive power. But like so many of us, I’m learning to rewire my patterns.. 

In part 1 of this 2 part series on power, I’ll talk about abusive power, the “toxic triangle”, and strategies for what you can do in a toxic work environment. 

In part 2, I’ll share more about my own personal journey and what my nervous system is now learning about how to deal with power. 

STORY: Abusive power and the Toxic Triangle that sustains it

READ MORE: Several articles and videos to explore deeper

BOOK STUFF: We’re discussing the Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman on May 28, 2026 at 4pmPST

GOING FURTHER: Is your organization struggling with a toxic power dynamic, communication breakdown, or workplace culture challenge? Reach out today!

STORY: Abusive Power

There’s a big brew-ha-ha happening right now in my hometown concerning workplace abuse. Two recently released reports revealed substantiated findings of our local County Elections Clerk contributing to “an unprofessional workplace environment because his actions included inappropriate remarks involving violent imagery and infantilizing language, and because he imposed employment consequences after a policy disagreement with a staffer.” 

For me, this story is deeply personal. My nervous system is incredibly sensitive to abusive power as a survivor of grade school bullying and college sexual assault. Whenever I encounter people who use their power to abuse those around them, I feel a swirl of protective mama bear rage and a much quieter, deadlier cycle of despair and withdrawal (more on that in part 2 of this post).

In addition, I know these particular staffers because the previous elections clerk hired me through a grant to train the team on stress management, emotional resilience, and handling difficult situations. As much as I hope the training helped, I never imagined that the difficult situations they would face might include an appointed official threatening “to pull a staffer out of their office by their hair” and “to slap or ‘throat punch’ staffers.” 

Abuse is never okay. Not in the workplace. Not in the home. Not ever. The situation is so bad that the County’s personnel and administrative departments have now deployed staff to monitor both offices to ensure workplace abuse stops and to support employees.

All of this begs the question, how common is abusive conduct in the workplace and what in the world can be done about it?

Unfortunately, toxic work environments characterized by abuse, bullying, and harassment are surprisingly common. At the highest end, 67% of employees surveyed in a 2024 Monster poll feel like they work in a toxic work environment. At the lower end, the American Psychological Association’s 2024 Work in America survey showed 15% of respondents described their workplace as somewhat or very toxic. 

The consequences are dire. A 2022 study in MIT Sloan Management Review identified toxic work cultures as the number one reason employees leave an organization, more so than job security or lack of recognition.

Definitions

Is what’s happening at the County Elections Department illegal? 

The strictest definition is what’s known in HR and legal circles as a “hostile work environment”. In order to count as a hostile work environment under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 the behavior must meet 3 criteria:

1) It was unwelcome. The harassment can be in any form – verbal, physical, visual, digital, or employment related (e.g. denying a promotion) – so long as it’s unsolicited and the victim finds it offensive.

2) It’s severe or pervasive enough that any reasonable person would consider it to be abusive or hostile.

3) It was based on a protected characteristic like race, sex, religion, disability, age, or other protected characteristics. 

The catch with a “hostile work environment” is the protected characteristic. If a boss bullies everyone equally, regardless of their background, it’s not legally hostile. Instead, it would likely be considered a “toxic work environment”. What’s happening at the County Elections Office appears to be “toxic” not “hostile”.

This Is About Power 

Toxic and hostile leadership is not just about bad people doing bad things. Power corrupts through a systemic neuro-social loop that any of us can get caught in, and any of us can help shift.

Consider the Stanford Prison Experiment. In 1971, normal, good, everyday people were randomly assigned to be prison guards or prisoners in a pretend prison set up in the basement of Stanford’s Psychology building. “Guards” became increasingly abusive, and “prisoners” became increasingly resigned and isolated. The experiment was abruptly called off on Day 6 due to the psychological trauma it caused.

The conclusion is clear: anyone has the potential to abuse power or be abused by it. 

After prisoner torture and abuse at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq came to light, Phillip Zimbardo, the lead investigator of the Stanford Prison Study, said, "I argue that we all have the capacity for love and evil—to be Mother Theresa, to be Hitler or Saddam Hussein. It's the situation that brings that out".

The abuse of power arises because of the “Toxic Triangle” with three interacting corners: a destructive leader, susceptible followers, and a conducive environment. 

Destructive Leader - At any level of an organization, we can step into this corner when fear, stress, or ego hijack our empathy. Power can suppress empathy and perspective-taking. Chronic stress amplifies defensiveness, micromanagement, and rigidity.

Susceptible Followers - This isn’t about weakness — it’s about our innate drive for safety and belonging. When we feel unsafe, we seek protection through conformity and approval-seeking. The fear of being cast out of the in-group leads to silence and self-censorship.

Conducive Environment - Toxic behavior is sustained by environments contaminated by chronic urgency, uncertainty, and fear. Dominance can flourish when there are weak or outdated systems, policies, and corrective levers like routine evaluation and built in checks and balances.

Dismantling the Toxic Triangle

It may seem like the only option in an abusive power dynamic is direct confrontation, running away, or living with it. But sometimes the most effective path to dismantling toxic power situations is a side path — the corner you do have influence over or a non-confrontational approach to a destructive leader.

I brought this conundrum to a leadership workshop. I had participants select the corner that they had the most influence over and had them consider this question: “What’s one action YOU could take to shift your corner?” 

The Susceptible Follower corner talked about how silence, fear, and isolation keep destructive systems alive. When people don’t feel safe, they default to conformity, approval-seeking, silence, self-censorship, or blind obedience. The amygdala activates. Stress hormones spike. Reasoning shuts down. But connection changes everything. The participants in my workshop offered these ideas:

• Banding together (think unions, rallies, and interest groups)

• Retaining personal agency in whatever ways are possible

• Finding someone with more positional power (the media, the boss’s boss, HR) to amplify unheard voices

The Conducive Environment corner considered how systems can unintentionally keep toxicity in place — chronic overwork, unclear decision-making, the absence of feedback loops. But systems can also be redesigned in the following ways:

• Transparent processes like employee handbooks, codes of conduct, and complaint procedures

• Building checks and balances into the system

• Setting up consistent, routine communication rhythms

• Creating regular feedback and evaluation systems (especially for leaders)

The Destructive Leader corner noted that you don’t have to go head-to-head with a destructive leader to change things. Any action, however small, can gradually soften a dynamic that feels immovable. 

• Pausing before reacting so our own emotions don’t escalate the situation

• Identifying mutual, win-win goals

• Bringing the conversation back to the mission or to shared values 

• And if you do speak up to power, pick your battles carefully

All of these actions take power back from abusers. Power can either dehumanize or liberate. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said:

"Power, properly understood, is the ability to achieve purpose. It is the strength required to bring about social, political, or economic changes. In this sense power is not only desirable but necessary in order to implement the demands of love and justice. One of the greatest problems of history is that the concepts of love and power are usually contrasted as polar opposites. Love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.”

Closing

Power, in and of itself, is not bad, just as people, in and of themselves, is not bad. What is bad is abusive power like that seen at the County Elections Office and in the Stanford Prison Experiment.

For instance, the BBC replicated the prison study in 2002. In contrast to the Stanford study in which prisoners became more and more isolated and stripped of their identities, prisoners in the BBC prison became more and more united. Without a clear authoritarian mandate from the experiment organizers, the guards became increasingly uncomfortable with their power and distrustful of one another. The system begins to break down. On Day 6 of the BBC study, instead of needing to calling off the experiment, the prisoners succeed in a mass breakout. 

Fascinatingly, the prisoners and guards together set up a self-governing commune in which everyone will be treated equally. On Day 8, a small group of four try to set up a harsh, tyrannical, military regime but can’t get the prisoners to go back into their cells. A power stand-off. 

The BBC experiment concludes with this statement: “The answer to tyranny is not to distrust or to fear power... Rather, the answer is to use group power responsibly, democratically and in defence of humane values. In this way, we can act together to resist tyranny – either one imposed by others or one made by ourselves.”

In part 2 of this blog (coming soon) I’ll tell you about how I am resisting tyranny and remaking my own relationship to power. And I’ll share how you too can reclaim power as “love implementing the demands of justice” in your own life.

READ MORE: Articles and videos to learn more about power

This article from SHRM helps you recognize a hostile work environment. For even more detailed information about your federal rights, see this Q&A from the EEOC. 

This article in Psychology Today discusses ways to disrupt a Toxic Triangle.

And I highly recommend learning more about the Stanford Prison Experiment and the lessons it’s taught us about power. The study is more relevant than ever in an era where “the level of democracy for the average citizen in Western Europe and North America is at its lowest level in over 50 years,” according to V-Dem, an international academic collaboration that measures the consolidation of abusive power by autocracies versus the shared power of democracies.

BOOK STUFF: We’re discussing the Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman on May 28, 2026. We meet on zoom at 4pm PST the last Thursday of every month. If you are not yet registered to receive book club reminders you can sign up HERE.  You also do not have to have read the book to join in on the conversation. 

GOING FURTHER: Is your organization struggling with a toxic power dynamic, communication breakdown, or workplace culture challenge? 

Want to build an organization grounded in trust and a healthy relationship to power? I facilitate retreats, trainings, and leadership conversations that help teams move from fear, burnout, and disconnection towards a culture of compassion, accountability, and shared purpose. If your organization is looking for thoughtful facilitation and practical support, reach out today: irenesalter.com/contact I have limited availability starting in August.